I have went out with my friend today and had a wonderful time with her. We went shopping and chatting and I reached home around mid-night.
My hubby then call me and told me he got a very bad headache. He told me that he cannot sleep and think that he is dying. I told him to eat some panadol and go and try to sleep. He told me he has already eaten 10 pills of panadol and is still having that bac headache. He kept saying that he is dying and asked me to claim his insurance if he dies.
I kept telling him that he is making me very worried and tell him not to talk about this type of things. He also told me to write down his saving bank pin number so that I could withdraw the money out when he dies. I told him that he will be all right and I only wants him to be all right and nothing else.
He told me that he kept a secret from me. He told me that he has been smoking. Upon hearing that I broke down. You may thinks that there is nothing wrong with smoking. Well, I cannot accept my hubby to smoke.
When I know him, he is smoking like 2 packets a day. I told him straight that I cannot accept someone who smoke to be my boyfriend or husband. Because of me, he quit smoking in 6 months time and did everything to touch my heart. I was very moved. Before we registered for our marriage three years ago, he did broke his promise once. I cried and he asked for forgiveness. I decided to give him a chance and married him. Come to think of it, I regreted now.
It is now less than a month to my big day. He told me that he smoke again. I felt cheated. I really hate him for that. He is always breaking my heart. It is hard enough trying to cope with somebody that is so negative and I just want to try to believe in him and trust him. He has broken his promise so many time. His reason is always he is stress. I am very tired to hearing this over and over again.
I really dunno what to do. Tomorrow I am going to try on my wedding gown and take measurement for my evening gown alone. I really dunno how to do all this things anymore. Am I going to married this man? or give him another chance and divorce him if he smoke again? I really felt so cheated.
This is what he just sms me:
"I am sorry; too stress. No means to break my promiss but can't do help it. It can relief my stress. If anthing happens, I love you forever. Sad to say; this is the only promiss i never break. I feel bad lying and hiding from you. Everything is my fault. I hate myself. If only i could never wake up..."