Wedding Thoughts

I hope blogger will not hang on me today.

I felt like eating pasta for dinner tonight. So I called my hubby and asked him if he is free tonight. Well, he took me to Siglap Cafe carta and we had a wonderful dinner. During the dinner, I asked him how much does it cost to backpack Europe, he said it was expensive. If both of us will to do that, he estimated it will at least cost 20k for a month in Europe. Then I asked him if it is cheaper to go to America, and he said yes.

Out of sudden, I dun know why too, I asked him where will he want to go for our honeymoon. He said Sentosa. I gave an angry look. I asked him again. He said he dun even know when are we getting married. My heart sunk.

In the car, after some initate conversation, he asked me or rather commented if I am ready to get married. I gave him a funny look as I dun really know what is he talking about. He continue to said that we need at least 50k to get married. I told him right off that we dun need that much. He told me that he understand that we dun need that much for a wedding but what if I got pregnant right after the wedding. I forgot what did conversation we have after that because my heart was in my stomach.

I remember that he said that he has not given much thoughts on our wedding yet. I almost screamed at him and asked him if he wanted to get married afterall a not. He quickly said that that is not what he meant, He said that he has not given serious thought on whether if he wants a dinner a not and all those details, not if we are getting married a not. By this time, my tears has already run down to my face.

He saw that and got worried. He said me why am I crying. I just dun feel like talking to him. I said nothing and I was not crying. We went back to the new house. He stayed inside his room and I was in the kitchen. I stay in my kitchen and look at the lovely colors of the cabinets I have selected. I look at the design of the kitchen cabinets and I love them so much because it was my design. I wish I can go to ikea now, get that orange cabinet I saw a year ago and screw it up on the wall, it matches my kitchen colors. I knew that inside my head I kept telling myself to stop doing these sort of decoration stuff because I am not staying in the house and my hubby will not know how to take care of them. They will get dusty and rusty. My cats will pulled them down before I could use them.

I looked at my kitchen walls and saw spiderwebs on them. My head told me that there is no point cleaning them up because I am not staying there and my hubby will not even notice that they were clean up. I feel so sad inside.

I looked at my living room feature wall again. It is so lovely. I wished that I stay here. As my mind wonder, I begin to think if I will to buy a three room flat, should I bring this lovely wall feature into my new three room flat. Maybe not, it will remind me of a bad memory.

I feel like telling my hubby that if we do not get married by the time I reach 32, I wish to be separated and divorve with him. Reasons, I have waited too long and I dun get to enjoy the flat that I have renovated, design and paid. I calculate that if I separate with him at the age of 32, divorve with him at the age of 35, I can buy my own three room flat. I dun have to serve him, wash his clothes, clean the house after him, and iron his clothes or cook for him. I dun have to care if he loves me a not, bare his children and bring up his children, fear for things that all married woman fear. Why do I have to go through all this. Why do I have to wait for so long and I am still waiting now.

Am I stupid? User at the Singapore brides forum said that I am too nice. I dun know if I am too nice. I never told anyone my problem. I choose to wait because I knew he got finance problem, we got no money to get married at first. Now that we got some money, I dun really understand why he is not bringing up the topic on wedding. Did he want to get married afterall? Or is money really not enough? I dun understand.

We could have a simple wedding. He just agreed, changed his mind after a while and not talk about any plans after that.

I dun feel like telling him that I wanted a divorve at the age of 32 if we are still not married because I knew that if we do that, he will want to get married. This is like forcing him to, I dun want to happen like this. God, please tell me what should I do. I am feeling very miserable now. I dun feel like talking to anybody.

I have decided...

I have to try to record down what wonderful things my hubby do for me. This blog cannot be all the bad stuffs. I have to learn to remember good things he has done.

To start off, yesterday he brought lots of durians and rambutans for my mum. Since I dun like either, today, he brought some "dragon eyes" for me. I dunno what "dragon eyes" was in English. We watch Ella Enchanted today, and although he dun really like the show, he knew that I like crap moives. He accompany me upstair to my unit today because he knew we got an invisible loadshark.

Everything was back to normal on Sunday night

He finally called me on Sunday night.

I went to my new house tonight. It was my cats' birthday.

As I walked into my new house, I hardly feel anything for it. It is a good news that way, so that I dun get hurt. However, the moment I was left alone sitting in my living room, I look at my feature wall. I think it is beautiful because it was my design. It is my design but it is mine? I looked at the web forming on each square features on the wall, my heart sunk to the bottom to my stomach.

I looked at the TV console that I have brought with my money. I have choosen the furniture and had went to many places to look for it so that it will match my living room. I am still amazing at my own selection, but I began to have second thought again. I am thinking if does the TV console belong to me, it has got a layer of thick dust resting on it and one of the white drawer was stained with something that I cannot figure out.

I told myself that this house was just an investment that I have make, hopefully that it will bring some good profit. I can only confort myself this way because I cannot make myself have any feeling for the house. It is hurting me if I have too much emotion on it.

I think I will try not to go back to my own house too often. If possible, not to go back there at all. I was thinking, I regreted that I ROM with my husband too early. I have been waiting to get married for three and a half years. I have been thinking of ways to tell myself to be strong and understanding. I know that he has no money which nagging him or whatever I do will not help at all. I know that I got to be strong beside him, going through all these years with him. I know too that I cannot stress him, cannot nag him to get married because he is in finance debt.

One thing good about him is that he almost never ask me for money even he is in debt. I treasure this good point very much. However, I believe like any other couples, he never hold my hands again, never walk beside me again.

I guess he is lucky to have me as his wife. I am good in telling myself positive things but sometime I cannot escape myself from the reality. I have told myself that being not married is good because I dun have to wash for him, iron for him, cook and clean the house (He will never help). I have told myself that being not married mean that I can travel as often without him as I like, and manage to save more money than being in married life. The bad thing was that there were times when I got so engross in thinking about being not married that maybe a divorve might be something good. Recently I have thoughts that why not we sell our 5 room flat, divide the money and I get myself a three room flat when I reach 35 five years later. I even have a few design for my three room flat. I think that was unhealthy.

Just now when I was looking at my living room, I was thinking about selling it. It means selling off my feature wall, and maybe my TV console. My tears just came rolling down. I dun think I am strong enough to go through the selling. My hubby suddenly came out of his room and annouce: "let go". I quick wrapped my tears dry and put on my shoe. I took a glance at my kitchen and tell myself not to be so emotional.

I guess this is my fate. My fate is that I got to wait and wait to become a maid.

He has not call me for two days.

Well, my hubby is angry with me for something that I did not agreed to. I am not telling what is it but it is not my fault or his. Since then, he has not talk to me since thursday night. He has not call me either.

Well, I am not calling him because it is not my fault that I do not agreed, I got the right not to agreed.

I was so emotional just now.

Stupid blogger! The site was down when I needed you the most.

Well, I am not so emotional now, sort of calm down a little. It happen when I went out with my hubby. My feelings are like a roller coaster. At first, I was not too happy with him. We kept quiet all the time and he complain about me very now and then. We did not catch the spiderman movie because only the first row is available.

After that, I wanted to go home but instead we went round looking for a pool table. At that time, he was more chattly and he told me that he has lost his OCBC card in a ATM machine. He did not complain anything on me. We have an enjoyable pool game until the shop closed and chased us out.

He send me home but he did not send me up to my house. I actually requested him not to because the last time we quarrel all the way up to my floor and he knock his foot on the lift door. Deep inside my heart I was hoping that he will insist because that was 3am in the morning. I was hoping that he will be concern about my safety but he did not. He only requested me to give him a call when I reach upstair.

My heart dropped to my stomach and I was crying inside my stomach. I was thinking that maybe we should not be getting married afterall because our relationship is getting from bad to worest. We did not even hold hands or walk together all these while. I feel that we have lost the feeling we used to have. Marriage to me an additional task for me now. After marriage, what I could only think of is that washing his clothes, ironing them and keeping the house clean, bearing his children becomes my responsibilities. None of the things mentioned above is of my liking.

Maybe we should sell out house, spilt the money and stay on our own. Maybe one day, I should talk to him on this.

I put my excel file on my hubby desktop

and told him not to ask me anymore how much do we need for a wedding. I told him it really depend on how you want to do it. He just need to change the figures on the excel file and it will tell him straight away how much he needs.

I told him too that I do not wish to hold a wedding dinner, even a cheap one because it cost money. Besides that, he will also have to fork out a sum and give to my parents just because of a dinner. I told him that just saving a sum of 10k is very hard on us and we should not be spend all of it in just one day. Although getting married in something which you do once in your life time, but it is not worth the price if after the whole event you got to pay through your ass. If u got a baby accidently after your wedding, you will not have to declare bankrupty. You could use the money in a wiser way. My hubby agreed that we will not have a wedding dinner.

Deep inside my heart, I feel that althought money is not our constraint anymore, I will not be getting married any sooner. I feel that my hubby seems to be happy that we stay this way (not staying together). I felt that he is kind of afraid I will blamed him for leaving me in the house, not accompany me enough time in the house, me nagging at him for not doing the housework (I quit nagging at him because I am not the one in the house). I feel that he is also afraid to go through the procedure of preparing the wedding itself (so am I).

I think I make a mistake today.

I asked my mum how much pin jin did my brother in-law give to her and how much table money was given.

She answered 888 for pin jin and 7000 for table money, then she went on telling me about the rest of the stuffs like roast pig lah, she did not accept lah, gou da li lah, what they give lah, blah blah blah.

I stopped her and asked her if she return any of the table money or pin jin to my sister. BANG! the stress started right here. She told me she did not and continue explaining that she did not ask for this and that that is why she did not return. Then she tell me that it is not a custom to return, her what and what accepted how much and did not return, my sister in-laws did not said to return, blah blah blah.

I did not said anything throughout the whole thing. I just want to know roughly how much I need to spend for my wedding and she went on as if I am going to fight back.

She makes me sit at the dinner table to listen more of her stories. I feel like crying, I dun know what the hell I wanted to cry for but I feel extreme stress at this point.

I went back to my room to do some calculations. It turn out that I need at least 30k for a damn wedding. Suddenly my mum scream from the kitchen and asked me if I am angry with her.

Of course I am not angry with her, I angry with her for what? I am feeling stress! I feel stress whenever the topic of wedding comes up!

Girls Friends

A young wife was drinking iced tea with her Mother.

As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, "They'll be more important as you get older.

No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that girlfriends "are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake, a grownup, not a young girl who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband and the family we'll start will be all. I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life. After 50 years of living in this world, here is what I know about girlfriends:

Girlfriends bring you chicken curry and scrub your bathroom when you need help.

Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.

Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.

Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.

Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.

Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.

Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.

Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!

Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.

Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.

Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.

Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.

Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.

Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.

Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Love waxes and wanes.

Hearts break.

Careers end.

Jobs come and go.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favours.

Men don't call when they say they will.

BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

My daughter, sisters & sisters-in-Christ, mother, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, aunties, nieces, cousins, extended family, and friends bless my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

My Hubby called me yesterday

at night and asked me how much do we need for a wedding. He said me if 20k is enough a not. I was wondering where did he got 20k, but I asked him why suddenly bring up a topic on wedding.

He realise that if we dun get married now and have kids, he will need to work until we are 50 year old before we can retired. I told him that I wished I can retired now.

Anyway, he told me he will try to get married within this year. I did not said anything. Yawn!

What do Gal/Guys want?

WHAT DO GALS WANT ???
When I was a young woman, all I wanted was a guy with big muscles. So I dated a muscular guy. He was as strong as Terminator, but he beat up any other guy who would stare at me. I was afraid he would hit me too. So I dumped him when he was in jail.

I decided to date a romantic guy. He was so sweet; he sent me flowers every Friday to my office just to ask me out; one time he packed himself into a box as my birthday gift. But he was also romantic to other girls until I found out in a florist that he ordered 5 dozens roses each Friday. It was too late, he had already dumped me.

So I decided to date a stable guy. He was a "good" man and he had a Ph.D from MIT. But all he talked with me was M/M/1 > Queuing theory. I had to dump him because when one day I said I was going to Australia, he said you don't need to go there to buy apples. There's a mama shop across the street.

After that I decided to date an interesting guy. He was so funny and he was like "George" on TV's Seinfeld. He made me laugh all time. But later, I couldn't laugh any more. He didn't have a job, nor did he plan to find one. All he did was playing Mahjong and "Chor Daidee". The worst thing is that we got married.

WHAT DO GUYS WANT ???

When I was in poly, all I wanted was a girl with big boobs. So I dated a girl with big boobs, but there was no passion.

So I decided I needed a passionate girl. In University, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time.

So I decided I needed a girl with some stability and I found a very stable girl. But she was so boring, she never got excited about anything.

So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. There, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless.

So I decided to find a girl with some ambition. After graduation, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.

So what do you want?

At many times, people just go after what they want their ideal partner to be. And they neglect other qualities the person has. Chasing after what you want is never ending and may not come to a good end.

So cherish what you have and appreciate what they are. Accept them as they are and only then you can learn from each other and grow to be a much better person. "When two people fall in love, they learn they are meant for each other. When they fall out of love, they realize they want to keep each other forever."

Never whisper words of love if the feeling is not true.

Never share your feelings if you mean to break a heart.

Never look into my eyes if all you have to say are lies.

Never say hello if you really mean goodbye...

What is PRESENCE?

A man going abroad to work leaves his fiancee crying. "Don't worry, I will write you everyday," he said. For years he did write her.

But since he was happy with his job, he had no immediate plans of going home.

One day, he received a wedding invitation. His girlfriend was scheduled to be married. To whom? To the mailman bringing regularly the letters of her boyfriend!

The poor boyfriend surely explained, "What went wrong? I sent her letters, chocolates, and flowers."

When relationships go wrong, the list of things given and done for the person usually crops up. We say, "I have given you this and that...I have done these things for you." It seems that love is simply proven by the bestowal of gifts and favors. But while
presents are important, love demands what is basic: 'The PRESENCE of the beloved'.
I have observed for instance, the orchids of my mother's. When she's away for a long time, they are unhealthy and many of them wither.

But when she is around, they bloom with beautiful flowers. My mother does nothing special. She just spends much time talking and caressing them.

I guess human beings, all the more require a caring presence.

Love is fundamentally a commitment to a person. We may be committed to our business, job, hobby, sports and clubs. But strictly speaking, they cannot love us back. Only a person can love us in return, and for that matter, the highest commitment as human beings, is spending time with those people we love.

And since people need affection and nourishment, material things can only help up to a certain degree in fostering love. But it can never replace the greatest gift of presence because everyone needs someone be it friends, parents, siblings or simply that 'special' one.

Being there for someone need not necessary mean having to say a lot. Words are sometimes redundant. Remember that 'presence' (to be there for someone) is more than enough. So, make your presence felt as in the case of the following story.

Martha was busy with her job. She believed she had to work harder because she loves her father who is suffering from cancer. She has to provide for his expensive medicines. Her brothers and sisters meanwhile, stayed with their father most of the time. They bathed him, sang for him, spoon-fed him or simply kept him company.

One day Martha overheard her father telling her mother, "All our children love me except Martha". She was hurt. "How can this be?" Martha thought. "Am I not the one killing myself in my work to have money to buy for his medicines? My brothers and sisters do not even provide their share in the expenses as much as I do.

One night, when Martha was home, late as usual, she peeped for the first time in the room where her father was lying. She noticed that her father was still awake. She decided to go close to his bedside. Her father held her hands and said, "I miss you. I don't have much time, stay with me."

And she stayed with her father holding his hand the whole night.

The next morning Martha said to everybody, "I have taken leave of absence. I would like to be with father. I will bathe him and sing for him from now on."

Her father had a beautiful smile. He knew this time Martha loves him.

As children, we need the assuring presence of our loved ones. Adults need no less.*

LOVE is just a word until its proven 2 u.

Happily Married

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be rightback."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Belgium, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop, but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but... at the bar... they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets,mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But my sweet honey at the bar...you know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words,cutie pie? ..............

"LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

What men are really thinking?

It is a long time I did not post anything, which means it is a long time we never have any topic on our wedding.

Anyway, I found a funny site to share.
What men are really thinking?