A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
FLOOR 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
FLOOR 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
FLOOR 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
FLOOR 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
FLOOR 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
FLOOR 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day!
Theme Wedding & Party Guide
The hottest party trend right now is incorporating themes. Make your event personalized and unforgettable...
* Are you aware of all your Italian or Catholic or Greek traditions?
* Create an Asian style bridal shower...
* Having an Interfaith ceremony?
* Need to find Country & Western party supplies or invitations?
ASK GINKA is a one-of-a-kind link directory. You don't have to spend hours searching for answers on the Web. All the research has been done for you and categorized in sections. Start your search by picking a Religion, Nationality, Theme or Holiday.
* Are you aware of all your Italian or Catholic or Greek traditions?
* Create an Asian style bridal shower...
* Having an Interfaith ceremony?
* Need to find Country & Western party supplies or invitations?
ASK GINKA is a one-of-a-kind link directory. You don't have to spend hours searching for answers on the Web. All the research has been done for you and categorized in sections. Start your search by picking a Religion, Nationality, Theme or Holiday.
Bridal Showers
Are you hosting a bridal or wedding shower? Have absolutely no clue on where to begin? Don't fret! Most showers have a theme or overall motif such as a "lingerie" or "time of the day" theme. There are many possibilities and the only limit you have is your imagination! Read more...
Woman Power
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00, on one condition." (There are always conditions.)
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." (Controlling, huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.
She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said,...
"Clean my house."
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00, on one condition." (There are always conditions.)
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." (Controlling, huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.
She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said,...
"Clean my house."
Flowers by Anne
This is a site with a huge collection of wedding flowers. Their design database allows you to search for specific color schemes, flower varieties or both. Read more...
At Least He Tried!
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."
So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT!!!!
HIS FUNERAL IS ON THURSDAY.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."
So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT!!!!
HIS FUNERAL IS ON THURSDAY.
Choosing Your Wedding Music
This is a great site with a great guide for selecting your ceremony music. There are short clips of the songs located on the website, as well as suggestions on where to put them in your ceremony.
The selection of music for your wedding ceremony is a very important process, but many couples don't know where to begin. That's what we're here for! We've designed this part of our website to acquaint you with some of the best music available for the various parts of the Catholic wedding liturgy. Choosing your wedding music will take a while, so you might want to come back and visit this music page several times before you finalize your selections. Read more...
The selection of music for your wedding ceremony is a very important process, but many couples don't know where to begin. That's what we're here for! We've designed this part of our website to acquaint you with some of the best music available for the various parts of the Catholic wedding liturgy. Choosing your wedding music will take a while, so you might want to come back and visit this music page several times before you finalize your selections. Read more...
Little Johnny and Jenny
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing that he had ever heard, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Mr. Smith doesn't think the little **** is adorable anymore.
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing that he had ever heard, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Mr. Smith doesn't think the little **** is adorable anymore.
Wedding Favors: Magnets and Buttons
These buttons and magnets makes great wedding favor. You can even personalize them, put in your name and your hubby name, add the dates of your big day. After your big day, your guest will be sticking these magnets on their fridge. http://www.cafepress.com/keepsake_arts/610311
3 jokes
1. "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
2. An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
3. The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And then you dump the stock.
2. An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
3. The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And then you dump the stock.
Looking for a place to share your wedding album?
They have something like Webshots.
# Your very own URL (eg.www.MichaelandOlivia.com)
# A website created to celebrate your wedding day.
# An online facility to hold and view your wedding photographs.
# A simple registration process.
# A product that you and your family will be proud of!
http://www.webshareweddings.com
# Your very own URL (eg.www.MichaelandOlivia.com)
# A website created to celebrate your wedding day.
# An online facility to hold and view your wedding photographs.
# A simple registration process.
# A product that you and your family will be proud of!
http://www.webshareweddings.com
Something to think about
A puppy asked its mum, "mummy, what and where is my happiness?"
The mum said, "Your happiness is right under your tail."
So the puppy went around in circles, looking backwards, trying to chase its tail to see what happiness is.
After a few rounds the puppy felt tired and giddy and could not chase its tail anymore.
Disappointed, the puppy asked its mum, "mummy, I ran in circles as hard as I could but I still can’t find my happiness."
And mummy said, "all you need is to do is to look forward, walk straight, and happiness will follow closely after you."
And there lies the essence of "happiness".
The mum said, "Your happiness is right under your tail."
So the puppy went around in circles, looking backwards, trying to chase its tail to see what happiness is.
After a few rounds the puppy felt tired and giddy and could not chase its tail anymore.
Disappointed, the puppy asked its mum, "mummy, I ran in circles as hard as I could but I still can’t find my happiness."
And mummy said, "all you need is to do is to look forward, walk straight, and happiness will follow closely after you."
And there lies the essence of "happiness".
Muahahahaha, 2 More Free Wedding Speeches
2 More Free Wedding Speeches if you still cannot find a perfect one. I think I need to add another section of links to my right hand side just for speeches.
http://www.frugalbride.com/bridespeeches.html
http://www.frugalbride.com/bridespeeches.html
Funny Wedding Cards
If you wants to write something different on a wedding card, you may want to visit this site. http://www.funegreets.com/wedding/index11.htm.
Wedding Speeches Again.
I have attempted to set out for you, the basics of the traditional Wedding speeches.
These rules are not hard and fast and nowadays other people like to speak such as the Bride, the Chief Bridesmaid and the Father of the Groom. It is preferable to prearrange who is going to speak and the order, especially if there is a Toastmaster.
The Best man’s speech should be funny, but it should not be an extension of the Stag night and it will be better received by the family audience, if it is written accordingly.
It has also become more common to shorten the ordeal for the speakers, by holding the speeches before the meal. Personally, I think an audience who have had a nice meal and possibly a few drinks may be a more receptive audience.
http://mag.weddingcentral.com.au/weddings/speeches
These rules are not hard and fast and nowadays other people like to speak such as the Bride, the Chief Bridesmaid and the Father of the Groom. It is preferable to prearrange who is going to speak and the order, especially if there is a Toastmaster.
The Best man’s speech should be funny, but it should not be an extension of the Stag night and it will be better received by the family audience, if it is written accordingly.
It has also become more common to shorten the ordeal for the speakers, by holding the speeches before the meal. Personally, I think an audience who have had a nice meal and possibly a few drinks may be a more receptive audience.
http://mag.weddingcentral.com.au/weddings/speeches
Do you think this blog should have a new design?
Do you think this blog should have a new design? I am kind of tired of seeing this pink here. I have been looking around for ideas and sadly I have not seen any that I like.
Another Free Wedding Speeches
There are three generally accepted speeches usual to a wedding reception they are, bride's father's speech, the bridegroom's speech and lastly the best man's speech. No further speeches are required although other speeches are permissible; it is not unusual for example for the bridegroom's father to give a short speech of thanks to the host and hostess for the occasion, or the bride to have a "best woman" give a speech.
Oooooh! Another site with free speeches??? I am chocking.
Oooooh! Another site with free speeches??? I am chocking.
Free Wedding Speeches
Speech-making is a bit like prospecting for black gold. If you don't strike oil in 10 minutes, stop boring.
I'm told that the best speech makers follow three simple rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up. I'll try to stick to that advice.
Quickly bring me to free wedding speeches, I need that badly!
I'm told that the best speech makers follow three simple rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up. I'll try to stick to that advice.
Quickly bring me to free wedding speeches, I need that badly!
Indiebride
This is an interesting site for the independent-minded brides. It has a blog and a forum, lots of interesting essays that will make you laugh your head off. http://www.indiebride.com/index.html
10 husbands
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin".
"What?" Said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.. ......God I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin".
"What?" Said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.. ......God I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
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